What happens when one is hurt by a person, whom one cares for? This applies to parents, siblings, relatives and friends. It is extremely hard to dissemble and accept the rudeness or insults. It does not change and even as one grows older and older as in my case and the case of my companions, it remains.

I have thought a great deal about it. One cannot possibly think of oneself as the Buddha, who accepted all abuses as gifts. One would have to evolve and evolve. My Guru and his Guru were also comfortable and indifferent with rudeness. I have found that repeating my mantra and along with breathing, helps.

How do you feel when you are unpleasant?

Look at the person, who is being nasty, that person is expressing his/her own state. It is not attributed to you. It takes a great deal of presence to accept the rudeness. However, think about this. How do you feel when you are unpleasant? It effects your equilibrium. Visualize your face and the feeling that you are expressing. It is an ugly face and you feel uneasy after saying it.

As a psychologist, I would say confronting a person who is nasty to you is important. You will be surprised when you speak in a pleasant tone and ask the reason for the rude behavior. It is important to be in a state practicing the balancing pranayama, and are influenced by your parasympathetic system. Many people are bullies and they want to push one to the end limit.

Now I deal with the way I have learnt from my Guru. The first step is to be a witness, which means one observes and does not take it personally. Remain grounded and detached. Detachment is only possible if one is aware of one’s breath, not allowing the sympathetic system take over and breathing slowly. It is not easy but if one can breathe slowly, then one can make a response in a neutral way. Then when one is aware of one’s breathing, negative thoughts are not coming up to reinforce the rude comments. It is a process but it works.

A daily sadhana of asanas, pranayamas and chanting enables one to become free from hurt. Fear results from our hurtful and insulting accumulative thoughts, which add fuel to the fire of negativity.

Aim Hrim Klim

Photo by Mikail Duran on Unsplash