Fear and pain go hand in hand. From pain, originates fear. Fear disturbs our peace and harmony. However fear is real. It is a part of all our lives. We have different ways of coping with it.

Fear which is irrational drains our energy. It can also be a real fear and then we have to address it. Normal fear is reasonable and we learn how to cope with it. One of the most effective ways is when we have a pangs of fear, is to close our eyes and concentrate on the space in front of our brows. This is the chidakasha and here we look deep inside. We breathe normally and look at colours.

We can see our favourite colours, shades of violet, yellow, orange, green, blue etc. We can make it a landscape in one colour or several colours. Then we revert to our breathing and now practice triangular breathing. Visualise your breath going in through both nostrils and coming out through both nostrils from the eyebrow centre like a triangle. Do it 54 times, counting backwards.

I will share my fears with you

Now I come back to the fear which is influencing us. It can be a very real fear and I will share with you. I have had a back surgery and before I had it, I had the most excruciating back pains at night. Since I was ignorant about the source, I went to the doctor and was prescribed pills, which did not work. So I went back and had to have a series of test which revealed that I had a tumour on my spine. The surgery was conducted and I had a good recovery. I was fearless and all this happened during the height of Covid epidemic.

Anyways this was in 2020, end of 2021 I developed osteoarthritis in my hands. I was upset as I am a busy person and I work on the computer and in the house. Also my back has started hurting again. I have given the matter thought and I am leading a normal life. However, the fear is influencing me. I do not want to visit the doctor again. I am taking medicines to lessen it, and I am practicing my sadhana.

I have spoken about it to my family and explain it to myself as this is part of my ongoing life. I consider the pain as my friend as it is always with me. I actually feel strange when I do not have any pain. It creeps up in my hands or my back. I look at it as something I have to endure.

Goddess in my heart, Guru is the star guiding me

After all it was only because of the pain I have been able to accomplish so much in my life. I have the Goddess in my heart and my Guru is the star guiding me. I know that she will take care of me and my fears. My dog, when he became very old, would shake his ears in the morning and he would have a burst of energy and he would bark. I think of him and shake my head and let the adrenalin surge in my system. I chant mentally whenever I feel the fear overtaking me.

Aim Hrim Klim

Photo by Pawel Czerwinski on Unsplash